Forty years later …

… and astronaut ice cream still tastes like shit.

C’mon, NASA, get your act together!

The pros and cons of ‘Away We Go’

PRO
Maya Rudolph Full disclosure: I love Maya Rudolph. I think she’s one of the most underrated comedic actors around, largely because her strength is to get laughs by being restrained. Sure, she can play over the top, but she’s much more devastating when she reins it in. That’s the centerpiece of her performance as Verona in Away We Go. Even with little dialogue, she creates a vibrant character who holds the film together. Just watch her eyes. They’re expressive without being gaudy or pretentious. You see the thoughts and emotions of a strong, complex woman churning behind those eyes. And it’s those eyes that finally reveal her character’s vulnerabilities. It’s a stunning performance that I hope earns her more — and well-deserved — recognition.

CON
Maya Rudolph being pregnant There’s nothing wrong with pregnancy in general or Rudolph being pregnant in particular. It’s just that there seems to be a trend developing: If she’s in a drama, she’s going to be knocked up. It started with Prairie Home Companion. When will it end?

I'd pay to see a Maya Rudolph-Catherine O'Hara buddy picture.

PRO
Catherine O’Hara Since I was talking about underrated comedic actors, let’s mention their patron saint. She makes any movie better. I just wished there were more scenes with her.

CON
Scene-chewing
co-stars Oh, Maggie Gyllenhaal, don’t be bashful to turn an exaggerated character into a almost unrecognizable caricature just so you can have all your lines show up in the trailers. And you, Chris Messina, with your Mark Ruffalo-with-a-pinch-of-Jeremy-Sisto looks, when you emote while soliloquizing, you make sure you emote with every tear in your body. And Allison Janney … actually, you, Jeff Daniels and Jim Gaffigan know how to make off-the-wall characters entertaining and relatable. You get passes.

PRO
Dave Eggers’ screenplay Eggers’ writing is an acquired taste, but it’s one I enjoy. Away We Go is imbued with a neo-hipster intellectual vibe, but it’s authentic. That’s how he’s able to get away with filling the movie with these outrageous characters who seem ill-equipped to live in the real world. Eggers has a knack for making these people feel like old friends, relatives, co-workers or neighbors. He just strips away their more lucid moments and concentrates their peccadilloes into manic snapshots. You don’t know people like this, but you swear there’s a resemblance.

CON
Dave Eggers’ screenplay Know what’s worse than seeing an actor’s performance that screams, “Look at me! I’m acting!” It’s watching an actor deliver lines that scream, “Look at me! A writer wrote me!” Eggers has a habit of crafting dialogue that tries a little too hard to be writerly instead of honest. Chris Messina is strapped with two monologues that are not only guilty of showing off but also hit the audience over the head by explaining emotions and events that were obvious to begin with. Did Eggers not trust the performers — or his own writing — that he had to hammer home the emotional content of certain scenes and characters? Or maybe he’s just a little too in love with his own words? It’s hard to tell.

PRO
Velvet Underground on the soundtrack I have a movie rating rule: If a film uses a Velvet Underground song on its soundtrack, it automatically earns a half-star bump in my book, even though I don’t rate movies on a star system. (The exception: Movies that actually feature the Velvets as characters, like in The Doors.) Oh! Sweet Nuthin’ is used during a heartbreaking pole dance in Montreal. One quibble: Hey, music supervisors, VU recorded more albums besides Loaded. Their third album doesn’t get nearly enough play on soundtracks.

CON
What Is Life by George Harrison on the soundtrack I admit that this is my own quirk, but there are some songs that should never be used because their association with other films that it’s jarring when you hear it. Everybody’s Talkin’ is tied to Midnight Cowboy. Stuck in the Middle is forever connected with Reservoir Dogs. And What Is Life — along with the piano exit from Layla and Rags to Riches — will always be associated with GoodFellas to me, because when I hear that song I immediately think of a coked-out Henry Hill driving around, trying to avoid a helicopter that may or may not be real.

Maybe all that facial hair was throwing off John Krasinski's performance.

PUSH
John Krasinski On The Office, Krasinski inhabits the role of Jim with such ease. But in Away We Go, the role of Burt hangs off him like an ill-fitting suit. He tries different ways to fit into the character, but he never seems entirely comfortable with his choices. It’s not a terrible performance, but it stands out in comparison to Rudolph’s confident turn.

Sarah Palin’s future plans

Fantasy art model*. It’s no secret her two idols are Frank Frazetta and Fabio. Her dream is for her image to be airbrushed on the side of a Chevy Econoline van.

*This is the same reason why Obama isn’t spending as much time as he should on health care reform.

IMAGES Devil’s Due Publishing

We get the Wonder Woman we deserve

I’m still decompressing from my little jaunt to the missus’s homeland, and my brain is still trying to adjust to the fact that Minneapolis needs a little more piss in its urban personality:

“Pedestrians always have the right-of-way, even when you have a green light.”

“All our gasoline is free trade.”

“My rank scent and face pustules mean I don’t condone the killing of bacteria for any reason.”

Ugh. It makes you want to smack a terminally ill child  in a wheelchair as a political protest against this kind of smug, narcissism. I imagine this is what Hell’s like. Or at least Seattle and Portland.

This means I’m pretty useless when it comes to writing anyting worthwhile now. Plus, I have a few things to catch up on before I travel to Indiana to see my son’s baseball game. (His first game was over the weekend, and he pitched five innings, allowing a hit and a walk, and striking out 12 batters.)

Instead, I’m going to show a little bit of TV history that found its way on Topless Robot recently. It’s the unaired pilot for a 1960s-era Wonder Woman TV show created by the guys behind the 1960s-era Batman TV show. There’s no Lynda Carter or Lyle Waggoner here. Hell, there’s not even a Cathy Lee Crosby in sight. Just Ellie Wood Walker (as Diana Prince) and Linda Harrison (as Wonder Woman, but only as the reflection in the mirror–yeah, it makes no sense, just watch). Harrison would go on to star as Nova in two Planet of the Apes films as well as marry Hollywood producer Richard D. Zanuck. Walker, however, still had her worst role ahead of her: Mime #3 in Easy Rider. 

That’s really all the set up you need. Anymore explanation will ruin the surreal joy of this five-minute featurette.

(Thanks to Topless Robot for the video, and IMDb, Wonderland: The Ultimate Wonder Woman Site and the Hidden Heroes feature at IGN for help with the background information.)

PHOTO Courtesy of Wonderland: The Ultimate Wonder Woman Site

Vinnie Barbarino

… was always labeled the stupid Sweathog. But even he wasn’t dumb enough to believe Mr. Kotter’s reason for being at the neighborhood leather bar with Mr. Woodman.

The Sweathogs

… would sometimes confuse Mr. Kotter’s wife, Jan, for WKRP in Cincinnati’s Bailey Quarters. Mr. Kotter was never told, and even now, he still wonders why Washington asked Jan if she could introduce him to Venus Flytrap.

“Did you get a haircut? No? Well, there’s something different about you. Sure it’s not the hair?”

Yup, I decided to give the blog a face lift. Blame it on spring rolling in finally (well, in theory). Or blame it on the fact that after about nine years (with two lapses for medical reasons and one lapse for symbolic reasons), I finally shaved off my facial hair.*

Whatever the reason, I really like the clean feel of the new layout. Plus, the customizable header is going to be crack for me and my amateur Photoshop skills. Because I plan on switching it up. A lot. My goal is to give professional, creative, dignified designers around the world (like one Kathy Bryja) ulcers by using every filter the program has. In fact, I intend to use every Photoshop filter on a single picture. 

This also gives me a chance to use something I haven’t used in WordPress yet: the poll tool. Log your opinion about the blog’s new look. One lucky person who participates could get the satisfaction of interacting with another person — albeit indirectly — and brightening that person’s day because it means someone reads him and he’s not simply a voice blowing in the wind. You probably won’t, but you could.

Oh, and while you’re at it, feel free to use the comments section to put in your guess for the connection the people in the current header share.

* You can blame my loss of facial hair on someone else who shall go nameless (but not linkless). Sorry, Jocco, you can blame her for invalidating your cool illustration of me.

Is the collapse of newspapers more powerful than a locomotive?

When the two things that have consumed my life for decades — comic books and journalism — I’m legally contracted to remark on it. So if you have issues with this entry, you can blame editorial cartoonist David Horsey for creating the following panel.

This idea — Superman’s alter ego, journalist Clark Kent, dealing with newspaper armageddon — has been used before, mostly for laughs. But I think a captivating creative opportunity is being missed by Superman comic book writers and artists. I’m not talking about another humor piece or Clark Kent losing his job and becoming a hobo (although I think there was a Super-Hobo story during the Mort Weisinger era). Think about it; The Man of Steel tries to save journalism. Here’s my story pitch:

In these tough economic times, The Daily Planet faces buyouts and layoffs. Clark knows the best thing he can do to help his co-workers is to resign, eliminating his hefty salary (as a senior staff reporter and Pulitzer-winning book author, he’s got to make a chunk of change, especially in Metropolis dollars. This isn’t Gotham City) from the Planet’s budget. Wife Lois Lane would stay on staff (the paper still needs talented reporters), but photographer Jimmy Olsen would be laid off, working for the Planet on a freelance basis.

You’d think Clark would spend this windfall of free time to fighting crime as Superman. Quite the contrary, Clark decides to let his reporting skills help make the world a better place. Book journalism a la Bob Woodward and other journalists still has some vitality in it, and Clark has his agent negotiate a publishing deal for hard-hitting expose on a subject important to many Metropolitans: How Galaxy Communications CEO Morgan Edge’s shady financial dealings sucked his employees’ 401(k) dry, sent the city’s unemployment rate skyrocketing and overall crippled Metropolis’s economy. And as Clark collects his research and does his interviews, he posts installments on a Web site that serves the public good and also market the as-yet-to-be-written book. Plus, he could even kick work Jimmy’s way, shooting photos for the book and Web site.

Oh, and when Clark needs Superman to stop Braniac and Lex Luthor from shrinking Earth cities or defeat Darkseid with an evil-destroying song, this new employment lifestyle will be a lot easier when it comes to maintaining his secret identity.

Superman’s mission has always been to help others and stem injustice. Journalism, at its best, can do — should do — the same, in a way that’s more lasting than flying through a brick wall or melting bullets with heat vision. It’s a way to change the world without throwing a punch.

A little cheesy? Yeah. But I can live with it.

The Sweathogs

… will always regret that Mr. Kotter never let them participate in the borough-wide high school a capella tournament because the boys had already committed to helping their teacher scam the advance-placement students out of their lunch money.

We love it when our friends become successful (Part 8)

One of the best things about blogging is being able to tell other people when your friends do cool stuff. Granted, the only people who read this blog are my friends, but it’s the thought — and the links — that counts. 

Jess Cigelske, she's the person who keeps those Teecycle T-shirts selling.

As a reader of my blog, you’ve seen Tim Cigelske’s name pop up a few times. The man’s a human nuclear reactor. If there were some way to chain Tim’s energy, I’m pretty sure we’d be able to solve the global energy crisis. Not only is his energy nigh-inexhaustible, but it’s clean for the environment (although his wife, Jess, has mentioned he can get a bit randy after one of his frequent bike rides or runs).

This time out, though, Tim needs your help. His Teecycle Web site — an operation that sells cool and crazy donated T-shirts for $7 with $1 of each sale going to River Revitalization Foundation — is a finalist in Pepsi’s SXSW ‘09 “What’s Your Pitch?” contest. I’ll let Tim explain it for you from his Tumblr site:

Tim's not bad looking, either.

On a whim, I recorded a 60-second pitch about why I think Teecycle is ‘a business idea that can be financially viable, and more importantly, also leave a positive impact on the world.’ 

And then BAM! Teecycle was named a finalist (one of 20) in Pepsi’s … contest to ’support innovative ideas in the interactive world and beyond.’

So help a brother — and a good cause — out: Vote HERE for Tim and Teecycle.org. And don’t wait: I’m not sure when the deadline for voting is, so don’t screw Tim out of a $4,500 grant because you were a lazy, procrastinating butthead. Oh, and the winner will be announced May 7 on Blog Talk Radio. 

And while you’re still in the giving spirit, check out Teecycle’s team up with The Establishment salon, 4503 N. Oakland Ave., for a little Earth Day goodness. Until April 22 (Earth Day! Uh-doi, Haircut!), you can get a $1 off a salon visit for every T-shirt you bring in and donate (limit 10 shirts). In preparation for this year’s Earth Day, Wednesday April 22, Teecycle is teaming up The Establishment salon, 4503 N. Oakland Ave. Plus, you get a $5 bonus if you’re new to the salon.