The lyrics to ‘Johnny Wash-head’ thanks to ’30 Rock’ and The Londons’ no. 1 fan

The episode, "Goodbye, My Friend," also featured a cameo from that guy who was in "3rd Rock From the Sun." He has nothing to do with The Londons or "Johnny Wash-head."

The episode, Goodbye, My Friend, also featured a cameo from that guy who was in 3rd Rock From the Sun. He has nothing to do with The Londons or Johnny Wash-head.

 

If you watched the March 5 episode of 30 Rock, you were probably introduced to a slang word you never heard used, that came from a song you’ve never listened to, performed by a band who you didn’t think existed. At least, that was my thinking. I figured the writers came up with all this as merely a funny fictional construct. 

Wrong. A friend of mine told me The Londons were an L.A. techno group that did exist from May 2007 to January 2008, and only released one single, Johnny Wash-head. (This is where the 30 Rock writers used artistic freedom: The song was not popular unless you attended basement shows in the San Fernando Valley in mid-’08.)

So I practiced my Google-Fu and tried to dig up something on the group or the song. Nada. Thankfully, my friend was able to send me a scan from an old L.A. music ‘zine called Leper Messiah. The scan is too poor for me to reproduce in this entry (it’s so bad that I can’t even make out the writer’s name), but I’ve typed what I could read from a column titled, You Don’t Love The Londons Like I Do!

Hopefully, this will shed some light on The Londons, their song, Johnny Wash-head and the slang term “washed.”

• • •

Oh sure, the word “washed” has burrowed into our vernacular like some woodland creature or hungry homeless man. But have any of us really taken the time to reflect on the reason we let that word trickle off our tongues day in, day out?

Well, I have. As one of the biggest fans of The Londons, I’ve realized that our language would be a little less richer-less without their contribution thanks to their hit, “Johnny Wash-head.” 

Yeah, yeah. I know you’ve heard it. Everyone’s heard like a half-redonkuzillion times, but has anyone stopped to really listen to the lyrics? To really uncover what the song is about, and why “washed” is not only a put-down but an anthem for a hopeless, dead-eyed generation.

JOHNNY WASH-HEAD
Lyrics by S. Gordon
Music by H. Van Meter 

On a black-vomit corner,
You came into my life
Like some rabid Vissigoth
Finding love and taking names.
You had me fall upon your sword
Thanks to your Slushee-syrup words!

Oh how could I?
Get lost in your eyes!
Oh how could I?
Get lost in your thighs! 

CHORUS

You’re so totally washed!
(Johnny Wash-head)

You’re so totally washed!
(Johnny Wash-head)

You’re so totally washed!
(Johnny Wash-head)

We laid there in the alley,
Wrapped in Mars wrappers and starlight.
You told me your love (editor’s note: word is illegible)
Like Pixy Stix filled with lye.
But the only thing your love burned
Was the passion for doing it in the rain.

Oh how could I?
Get lost in those tears?
Oh how could I?
Get lost in my fears? 

CHORUS

You’re so totally washed!
(Johnny Wash-head)

You’re so totally washed!
(Johnny Wash-head)

You’re so totally washed!
(Johnny Wash-head)

On a black-vomit corner,
I walked out of your life.
Your Easter egg-colored eyes 
Are etched into my breast
A tattoo from a Marlboro-soaked night
When Johnny Wash-head was mine!

Oh how could I?
Get lost in those eyes?
Oh how could I?
Get lost in those thighs?

CHORUS

You’re so totally washed!
(Johnny Wash-head)

You’re so totally washed!
(Johnny Wash-head)

You’re so totally washed!
(Johnny Wash-head)

• • •

Thanks — and apologies — to Tina Fey and all the writers at 30 Rock. Watch it at 9:30 p.m. ET/8:30 p.m. CT Thursdays on NBC.

3 Comments

Filed under Entertainment, Weirdness

3 responses to “The lyrics to ‘Johnny Wash-head’ thanks to ’30 Rock’ and The Londons’ no. 1 fan

  1. OK

    so where’s the MP3 and
    MySpace page?

    We WANNA HEAR IT

    Foob

    • Joe Vince

      Me, too!

      If anyone can find a recording of “Johnny Wash-head,” I will gladly post it. As well as cherish it forever and ever.

  2. Becca

    You’re all washed!!!!!!

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